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Okay, so here's the deal.
I haven't made a post in at LEAST two weeks, and I'm really really sorry.

Not like any of you really care if I make a post today, tomorrow, or next month, but whatever. I should be more responsible and quit being lazy and write my stuff. I just should.

I have nothing to talk about tonight, so here's the deal. I'm just here to let you know that I am still alive and haven't forgotten about my little blip of the inter-webs.

*I finally got my Eden Fantasy's assignment toy last week, and am currently working on the review for it. It's my first authorized free-toy review, so I want it to be awesome. I'll let you know when that's up and give you a different spin on it.

*I haven't read any good sex books lately, mostly because I'm just sort of sexed out. I still love to talk about it, give advice, and learn about it, but reading about it takes too much damned effort.
I'm currently reading the fourth book in the fictional series Kushiel's Legacy, which is a series with a lot of sex in it (and its just plain fucking awesome), but no new memoirs or instructional books at the moment. Money's hopefully going to be better this semester, so maybe that'll change soon enough. A book on sensual massage would be good. Right?

*I haven't had a Position up in for-fucking-ever, so I'll try to get one up within the next two weeks. Summer's just been really really weird and busy and miserable, but maybe the fall will bring back a little bit of my libido.

*Did I ever mention that I think I figured out my orgasm problem? Well, I think I did. It's a little bit of a biological, physical mishap, and I'm hoping a good GYN will help me fix it. More on that another time.

*I'm currently looking for Guest Bloggers for Sin's Secret. With how busy I'm going to be this semester, I'd love to have a couple guests put in some input. Whether it's my wonderful fellow bloggers that I love so much, or just a reader who has something he/she feels should be included. It could be a full article or whatever you'd like. Just email me (sinsekret@gmail.com) and let me know if you're interested. We can work something out.

I think that's all for now, really. Should have the Toy Review up on Wednesday, and have more news and interesting stuff up by the weekend.

Sin

I've been married for just over a month and my husband told me yesterday he doesn't want to have sex with me. We've struggled in the past with getting on the same page sexually, but had been doing well (I thought) thanks to a very romantic honeymoon until about a week ago. We didn't have sex all this week, any time I tried to initiate it he said he had to do something or was tired and just wanted to snuggle, etc. Yesterday he finally told me he has no desire to have sex with me right now. Basically, he's bored with me and has said that anal sex is a deal breaker in our marriage. We have tried anal on many occasions and maybe once or twice it has felt bearable- not GOOD, just not painful to the point where I could tolerate it. I love him and want to make him happy, but me "tolerating" it isn't good enough for him. He wants me to enjoy it and ask for it.
Since we started dating, my husband has tried to encourage me to be more sexually adventurous. I have tried many things that were once outside my comfort zone...some I like, but some I haven't learned to. He was previously married (his wife passed away) and I know they were much more compatible sexually than he and I are, though he says the two of us are more compatible in many other ways. I know he and previous wife went to sex clubs and he wants me to go to one as well...but I'm not comfortable being naked in public or the possibility of having threesome or sex with strangers. I appreciate the fantasy of the idea, but in reality I think it would lead to jealousy and confusion in our realtionship. Despite this, I've suggested that he seek anal sex with another partner because I really want him to be satisfied and have his needs met but he always says he wants to have it with me.
He was aware of all my reservations before we got married, before we got engaged and before we even got serious. His lack of desire and frustration with me makes me feel undesirable and makes me less interested in sex. I also feel like I'll never live up to his previous wife and that he'll always long for the sex life that they shared.
Please cheer me up! I can't talk to any of my friends because I don't want them to know we're having trouble.
~Sad Newlywed

Hey there.

This might sound a little harsh, but it sounds to me like marriage might not have been a great idea for you two. It's not just the sex incompatibility, but more his blatant disrespect for your wants, needs, and likes/dislikes.

I can understand you not wanting to have anal. Its strange, uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and typically only pleasurable for women if it's what they're into. Obviously it's not your thing. He should understand that and respect it and not continue to try to get you to do it.

The fact that him and his wife were compatible and sexually adventurous is great, but he should NOT hold you to the same standards, especially if he knew your opinions before hand.
"W" and I have talked about having a threesome with another woman (because i want to) but he's really uncomfortable with the idea. And while I will probably continue to bring it up for a while, once he makes a decision that he doesn't want to do it than that's it; we just wont do it.
If you're not comfortable with it than you shouldn't be pressured into doing it.

A person who loves, cares for, and respects you will NOT push you into doing something once you've said I'm Not Comfortable or I Don't Like It or I Don't Want To, and that's that.

I will always encourage people to branch out and try new things in their sex lives. But you have to start small, you have to go slow, and everyone has their limits. He's expecting you to do things with him that it probably took time and communication with his old wife to jump into and get used to, without you having the same adjust time as him.

My only real usable advice it to try to get through with him. Tell him what this denial and pressure makes you feel. If he doesn't acknowledge it, let off, or apologize sincerely, you know there's something wrong with the whole thing.

It would really suck to separate after being married for such a short time, but from the way your story sounds it seems like one day that might happen either way. Not because he doesn't want to have sex with you, but because of his disrespect for your wants and the way you're feeling about it. If this is starting so soon, and you're already being hurt (emotionally) by his actions and feeling sexually and emotionally frustrated, imagine what it'll be like in another year or two or five.

The best thing to try here is communication. Be open, honest, and determined!
He has to know that this is important to you and you will not let up (and make sure not to). You don't want to only do anal (if at all), you're not ready for sex clubs or swinging, and you need sexual satisfaction just as much as he does.

It may not seem like it now and then, but these are important stands that you have to make. If he won't back down off his high horse, it might mean you should start thinking about more drastic measures.

Good luck.
Be strong.
Stay safe.
Sin

Currently Reading: Sex Detox: Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life. by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Quick Disclaimer: Typically I try to keep my images as PG-13 as possible, because I want this site to be about fun and information, not porn. Due to a lack of availability, however, today's pictures do contain nudity, so I'm telling you ahead of time. So now you know.

The Side Clasp
Also called: Modified T-Square

I couldn't wait to get her on the bed and get her clothes off. She slipped off her dress, and pulled off what was left of my clothes. For a second, we were just two naked people, able to see each others physical inadequacies. But only for a second.
Before too long we were on each other again. She pushed her lips to mine and jerked my head so fast and hard I though I'd have whiplash. My wild woman.
I finally pushed her onto her back and that's where we started. She watched as I rolled her hips to the side. Her eyes following my every motion until I was inside her. Then they closed, a sigh falling from her lips.
I rocked back and forth inside her like the ocean, and every exhale she made was as sweet as a song. I placed my hand on her ass and she made the sexiest moan as I dragged my nails down the meat of her thigh.
The noise made me thrust harder, and her gasps came faster.
Harder.
Faster.
Harder.
Faster.
It seemed almost endless. But it wasn't. Before too long, it was over. We cried out almost in unison, our breath evenly paced as I trembled inside her. She smiled sweetly, and I simply collapsed next to her.

~Coal Confidential (W.)

Directions:

*Woman (or receiving partner) lays down, legs bent at a right angle to one side. She should be positioned in a way that from above she looks an L, or one part of a swastika. Whatever.
*(or penetrating partner) kneels in front of her, pelvic bones about at the same level, and enters her (wherever).
-She'll probably have to open her legs a bit to let him in, but then she should squeeze them together good and snug.
Then you go at it.

This one has its ups and downs. The position is a bit awkward, but not uncomfortable.
Overall, here's the deal:

This is good for a guy whose size is above average, because the penetration isn't all that deep. In guides it says penetration is deeper than usual, but in practice, it was quite the opposite.
That, however, is mostly because the guy the girls hip bone bumping up against his pelvis/stomach and getting in the way. So for a "larger" guy with a smaller girl, it keeps penetration for him pretty shallow, but she still feels like it's a deeper thrust. But for a guy who's average or less, this probably would just keep him from getting the full feeling of being inside, plus bug the hell out of him.

(By the way, I could barely find any information or picture for this position, so the images are pretty much whatever I could find close enough to match more or less.)

In practice I (we) wasn't too fond of this position, and ended up switching out pretty quickly. The penetration wasn't deep enough for in a good enough angle that I felt it nearly enough, and W found it hard to feel enough as well because of the pressure of my ass bone grinding into his pelvis. It also doesn't allow for the use of a vibrator, because the woman's legs are pressed together (although the closed thighs can provide extra tightness for the guys-that's good), which is another bummer. Even a vibrating cock-ring wouldn't work right unless it was turned to the side, and that could be awkward.
But, as with most positions, with the right amount of practice and communication, I'm sure it's very possible to make it work for you and your partner.


That's pretty much it for tonight. This wasn't a particularly interesting or successful position, so I'm a bit empty on things to say. Hope this was worth the 5 minutes you spent reading it.

Tried this position? Loved it? Hated it? Made it better? Let me know!
I want to hear about all your trials, tribulations, crazy nights, and mundane experiences!
Email me at SinSekret@gmail.com or add me on Facebook, Myspace, or AIM!

Play safe!


Related Posts: Postion of the Week Numero !, PotW @, PotW #, PotW $

I slept with my ex cause I felt lonely and depressed. and I broke down halfway while having sex.
I'd just like to know
What would he be thinking about.. Cause he's not replying my messages. Would he be ok? He's a typical guy, doesn't really know what to do when a girl cries.
and
What can I do to help myself. I'm in pretty bad shape.
I was just hoping that you might've been in this situation before. Could you help me out?

Alexis-Marie

Hey there Alexis. You picked the right day to ask me this. I've been there, I am there, and I'm there with you all the way.
Breakups are miserable, especially the ones you just can't seem to get over.

Lets start with what you said happened.
Somehow you got your ex into bed (or vice-versa), and halfway through you broke down. I assume this is because you miss him so much, or in general your still broken up about the whole thing.

So, first off, how did he react initially? Did he stop? Ask what was wrong? Console you? Or did he stop and leave you alone? Or even not stop at all? Did he even notice?
The answer to that is the start of your answer on what he's thinking (which is hard to answer since it's practically impossible to really know). If he didn't stop, or at least try to make you feel better, it's likely he really is done with you. If he tried to make you feel better, at least you know he still has a kind feelings towards you.

But maybe you freaked him out a little, I mean, you did start crying. If you didn't (or maybe even if you did) tell him why, who knows what he might be thinking, he's the only one who could really tell you.
Maybe a good idea (if he's not answering your phone calls or messages) is to just apologize without a response. Send him an email and say your sorry if you freaked him out, you've just been going through a lot of shit and you broke down. Tell him you'd like to know how he feels and what he's thinking, but that he doesn't have to reply if he doesn't want to. Then that's about all you can do. You can't force him to talk to you.


Then there's the hard part. Getting over an ex is practically never ever easy. Especially if they broke up with you during an intense relationship. First and most importantly you have to stop thinking about him. This could be the hardest part of absolutely anything, but it's only the start. Here are a few steps you can try.

*Do you ever make up situations in your head about running into him somewhere, him calling or coming to find you? Just imaginary fantasies about the two of you? If you do, STOP. I do this all the time and after a while it becomes a habit. Whenever you find yourself doing it, focus on something else. It's very important. If they're sexual fantasies, you should stop them too. In the future you can use him to fantasize again, but for now you can't. If you continue to think about or hope to see him, you'll never be able to get him out of your head.

*Stop calling, texting, communicating with him, as well as looking at his online pages (facebook, myspace, blogs, whatever). Even if you're still friends or whatever, resist the urge to contact him or look up his stuff. Just for now.

*Make sure you've thrown away all the useless sentimental items he gave you. I don't mean jewelry, books, or cookware, but the fake flowers, stuffed animals, and the little things like pictures that make you think of him, but don't really need to be in your home/room. (This can include ripping them to pieces or burning them-but be careful)

*Start a new project. Whether it's a story, or a painting, a new recipe book or a website, start something new that will take time and occupy your mind for a while. This will keep your mind off of him and give you the feeling of being busy, productive and useful. After my worst breakup I started an Altered Book to vent my misery and then eventually get over it.

*Get active. Whether its working out at a gym or dancing in front of the TV to the music channels, do something that keeps you energized and away from sulking miserably in a corner. Being physically active can keep those woeful feelings at bay.

*Accept what happened and start again. This is a step that can take time (and money) but is best done as soon as you think you're ready.
-Go out and buy a new bath set. Something inexpensive, but really nice, with bath salts, scented soap, oils, a candle or two, body scrub, a loofa, whatever. Maybe even some semi-expensive chocolates.
-When you're ready, have a good cry. I mean a good, long "I'll never love anyone as much as him and how could he hurt me so much and I hate myself and will never recover" cry. Even if it means taking one last look at those memory-inducing pictures and hugging that stuffed animal he got you at the fair/coin machine. Really; you deserve it. Cry until you can't cry anymore, just don't wake the neighbors.
-Think about what happened, what went wrong. Accept that you're hurt and you hate him for it, but then accept that it is over and there's nothing you can do about it. Accept that it will take time to fully heal. Also think about the fact that if he hurt you like this now, he'd probably do it again, so you probably wouldn't really want him back, right? You might want to cry some more after this.

-Now, go take a bath. A nice warm bath with salts, oils, loofas, chocolate, whatever! Anything you want. Turn the lights low, if you can, and wash yourself completely. Scrub everywhere gently but accurately. Imagine that you are washing away the pain. The hurtful parts of your past. Washing away the negative thoughts of him and your past. Try your best not to cry during this, but don't hold it in if you really have to. If you do cry, imagine your tears are your love, being washed away like everything else.
This might sound a bit weird and "New-Agey", but there's no reason why you shouldn't give it a try. The time after a breakup is a very emotional time, and this step is simply an attempt at controlling some of those emotions. It might not help completely but, in my experience, it can help a lot; it's a new beginning.

-Once your done, dry off completely and put on something soft and comfortable. Not silky or sexy; we want romance out of the brain. Now do something quiet, soothing, or productive. Read a brand new book that has nothing to do with romance, sex, or your past. Cook something simple and light. Have a cup of tea (not coffee unless its decaf) or hot chocolate and watch something new. Meditate. Or just go to sleep. This should be a time for you to do something by yourself for yourself. Sleep and let the night help you forget for a little while.

*Finally, GO OUT! When you're ready, going out with friends is one of the most important things you can do. Go to a new restaurant, a club, a bowling alley, amusement park, the beach, anything! Just get out of the house and do something fun and active and with someone that cares about you. (Under no circumstances are you to go out with your ex! Nor going somewhere where he'll be, at least not for a few more months
While you're out, SMILE! Laugh, flirt, dance, jump up and down, do everything that keeps your heart light and pleasant and re-energizes your mind and body.


That's all for now, I hope I helped in some way.
Good luck to you, don't hesitate to ask anything else.

Be safe, be happy
~Sin


Related Posts: Advice To an Over-Blow-jobbed Wife, "You Want to Take a Hot Bath, He Wants To Jack Off...", Sexy Lady Advice

Currently Reading: Sleeping Around: Secrets of a Sexual Adventuress by Catherine Townsend


Sorry I have been soooo crazy slack, but I've been on vacation, and just forgot to say I'd be gone. I'm heading home soon, but till then here's something quick and easy.

I was recently invited to give advice on the sex part of a forum, Ask Dan and Jennifer. I've answered a few so far, and I think they've been pretty good questions (and pretty good answers on my part ^^').

So here's the most recent question and reply. Enjoy ^-^

Husband prefers blowjobs, please help!

---

Since I had my baby a year ago our sex life seems to have gone down hill. Which yes I can understand why. It used to be twice a day, now it's a few times a week.

However, my problem is my husband seems to prefer a blowjob to sex. I have said when it's that time of the month I don't mind doing it for the week, everyday if he wants!
But for the other 3 weeks I want sex, yes blowjobs included but not all the way.
This afternoon he made it clear he wanted a blowjob, I started and then stopped because I could see it was all he wanted. He was disappointed and nothing else happened, no sex or anything.

We have talked about this loads of times and I actually thought he understood how crap it makes me feel.

Oh its great, knowing your husband wants a blowjob but not sex with you. It's not even like I get anything after or during giving him one.

I am so sexually frustrated. It just seems to be either a blowjob for him or a blowjob leading to sex (a quickie) I might add.

The problem is it has gone that far now I don't even come onto him because I feel he doesn't want me. Like I said, I have spoke to him about it and he says yes I understand I am sorry, it will be different.

We used to always watch porn together and I miss it, but there is no way I could watch it now because I feel so low about myself.

Advice please?
~Heaven

Hey there Heaven.

It's seems quite common that guys don't think in a balanced way when it comes to sex. Especially oral sex.

Going in a similar yet opposite direction of the post before me, his reciprocation is a good idea, but why not make a deal with it? You said you're sexually frustrated, why not make a bargain where you'll give him oral if he gives you oral. And if he's all up for that, but he is only half-hearted and you're still left unsatisfied, make it a deal where you'll give him a blow job every time he makes you orgasm. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not; I doubt you like doing it to him all that much either.

And while usually I don't condone trading sex for power, if oral sex isn't your thing, and he's really stuck on blowjobs, try exchanging your sexual favors for housework. Sounds a little odd, but you just had a baby, and I'm sure your list of chores and responsibilities has doubled and his hasn't changed all that much. So, for every time he makes the family dinner, mows the lawn, cleans the kitchen/bathroom, or does the groceries (perfectly), he gets a blowjob. Not right away, but when the time is right.

And if you don't like the idea of bargaining on this, than try more communication. You said he promises to change, but it seems he hasn't, so try simply restricting him. Be honest that you don't like doing it all the time (if ever), and tell him that until you are no longer sexually frustrated, you don't want to do it. Or that you can only give him oral for every time you have successful sex.

Or, just stop doing it altogether, and let him know that your choosing to stop. That you don't like it, it makes you feel bad/degraded, and that when you feel like it (or he deserves it), maybe it can happen again.

I know these sound...harsh, but you seem desperate in a way. Guys can be selfish about their sexual gratification, and you have to show that your gratification (sexual or otherwise) needs to be acknowledged and satisfied. Especially if you actually don't like giving oral. That doubles the problem. You do it for him, even though you don't like it, so he should at least do it for you, if not something else to please you in some way.

If nothing else, communication and understanding (in this case, understanding on his part), is key.

I wish you luck, I hope things work out.

~Sin

Currently Reading: Sleeping Around: Secrets of a Sexual Adventuress by Catherine Townsend

Reading the Sexual Memoirs I love so much, I've started feel a bit down. I feel sort of disconnected; like I'm trying to measure up to these writers but inevitably can't.
Not because they know more, or because they're older or more successful, but because of their infamously long "lists".

I, with my total of four sexual partners, cannot compete or compare with a published writer with more than fifty men under her belt. (Why I envy these women in the future post on Casual Sex and Promiscuity.)
And while W and I have talked about and considered considering bringing a third party into our sexual activities, we are both still nervous about the idea. And it's a bit hard to hope for our relationship to succeed when I envy those with more past lovers than me, and wish I were one of them.

I don't feel that quantity of experiences has a dramatic effect on quality of knowledge. I know what I need to know, what I want to know, and I try to know more to help myself and others. But here it doesn't matter what I think, it matters what you, the reader, think. So here I am, asking you myself.

I don't have loads of hilarious sexcapades to share with you, nor sexual wisdom gained over years of trial and error.
What I do have is my ideas. My opinions. My knowledge; gained through limited experience, extensive reading, late night conversations, and occasional research. My body; the way it feels and behaves. My life; the few experiences I have had, as well as those of my closest friends, lovers, and strangers.

I can't always be funny, and I can't always be smart, but I will always try to be both and more.

Do you think that's enough?

Just so you know, I have not disappeared, I am just a bit lazy this week. I used to have the problem that I didn't have enough ideas. Now I have too many ideas and I just can't seem to finish any of them. But I'm workin on it.


Here's a list of the articles coming up, in the order they'll hopefully be. So make sure to check back soon ^-^

This Weekend:
1. The ABCs of Sex [hopefully today or tomorrow]
2. Position of the Week [Sunday or Monday]

Next Week:
3. With a Little Help From My Self (final masturbation post)
4. A quick list of book reviews

The Week After Next:
5. One Night Stands and Casual Sex
6. Adult Product Review (the new KY) [maybe next week if I use it sooner]

Future Ideas:
* Sensual Massage as Foreplay
* "Eating In while Eating Out" - The uses and messes of Food in Sex
* Checking the Back Door - Love and Controversy in Anal Play


Don't forget to let me know if there's anything you think I should do more of, a topic I haven't covered that you'd like to see, any questions you'd like answered or situations you want advice on, or... whatever!

Sin

Currently Reading: The Harlequin by Laurell K. Hamilton


Most Recent Poll Results:

What do YOU Want to Talk About???

Sex! (duh...don't click this one....)	5 (16%)
Protection & Contraception	2 (6%)
Sexual Harassment	0 (0%)
Positions, Techniques, Tips, Etc.	12 (40%)
The History Of Sex	6 (20%)
Masturbation	17 (56%)
One Night Stands	6 (20%)
Abortion	1 (3%)
Homosexuality	5 (16%)
Anal/Oral (Please comment w/ specifics)	5 (16%)
BDSM	4 (13%)
Other (please comment w/ specifics)	1 (3%)

So that means future posts for the moment will focus on...

Masturbation (Thats this months theme, being National Masturbation Month)

Positions, Techniques, Tips, etc (This is slightly covered by the Position of the Week, but I'm working to both improve those posts, as well as get more tips/techniques available. This would be much easier if people would send me questions or-maybe- ideas)

And future articles for the less requested ones like BDSM, Anal/Oral, History, and Homosexuality.

It makes me kind of sad that Contraception got only 2 votes. Oh well. It's not like I'm not going to talk about it anyway.

So now I'm taking that poll down and replacing it. With the next Many Ways to Play Safe I'll take down the contraception poll as well.

Tonight or tomorrow I'll have the new Position of the Week, so make sure to check back. I'm hoping to start including a new concept in them, I'll see you then.

Dear Sin,
hello, im a 21 yr old female with a 41 yr old boyfriend. We just found out that im about 2 months pregnant (yes it was planned). But the main thing i was inquiring about, is to see what you knew about role playing. he likes for me to dress up as in corsets and stilletos(sp?), but what exactly am i suppose to do? im horrible at dancing, im clumsy, and because of my own lack of confidence, i want to hide when i do dress up for him. is there anything you can advise for me to maybe get more into it? its all for him, im fine with just regular foreplay and love making. what would you suggest to make the experience better for he and i both??
~A



Hi A,

My first suggestion to you is to find something, clothing wise, that does make you comfortable.

If stilletos and corsets make you feel exposed, stop by your local adult store (I suggest a well known, clean one like Adam and Eve or Priscilla's) and look through their clothing; especially their lingerie costumes. Don't feel shy while you're there, sex is a part of everyone's life and the people who work there are there to help you have a better sex life; don't hesitate to ask them questions. Look around, see if there's anything that you feel you would look good in. Try something on, take a long look in the mirror and tell yourself what looks good and what doesn't. I'm not saying to be critical of yourself, don't be. This man isn't a stranger, he likes you and your body, otherwise you wouldn't be together. Look at yourself and simply be interested. Ask yourself two things, how do I feel, and how do I really look? Not "What will he think"? Try on different shoes as well, and don't hesitate to try a few things on just because you think he'll like it; those corsets and bustiers. Who knows, you might find you like the way one looks or feels. Try something velvety or silk, If something feels good to the touch, your more likely to feel good in it- just imagine how you'll feel to him; all that soft skin and velvety fabric.

If you know that he is into the more heavy duty corsets, heels, and bustiers, and won't be interested in other kinds of outfits, then try doing this shopping trip together. A lot of couples tend to be shy about visiting adult stores together, but do your best to convince yourself, and each other, that this will be a great experience for you both. You'll get to learn what kinds of things he likes, he gets to watch you try things on, and you even get to hear him praising the outfits he likes. But most of all you get to work together to find something that pleases you both.

Remember though, if you do this, you'll both have to be completely open with each other. If he doesn't like something on you, don't take it personally, it's just not the outfit he's into. If, however, he says something rude and offensive, make sure to let him know that you don't appreciate his negativity. You're doing this for him, he should be appreciative about that.


Next, your "clumsiness" and shyness. Hopefully you will find something you're comfortable in, so being shy won't be too much of a problem. Just remember that he does like your body, he does find you attractive, so there are few things you could ever do to make him suddenly not like you. Remember that and keep yourself from wanting to hide away. You're beautiful, you're sexy, and he wants you already, this will just make that want more enjoyable for both of you.

For your clumsy issue, don't think of it so much as dancing, more as just moving pleasantly. And try practicing.

You don't have to be a class one exotic dancer to turn a man on with your movements. Here are is a technique to try to start you off moving, and to get you more comfortable with dancing.

If you have a full length mirror, great, if not, use the biggest one you have. You can be naked for this, but since you're shy you'll probably want to have some clothes on. I recommend a pair of short sleep or exercise shorts, or tight boy-short underwear, and a sports bra, form-fitting tank top, or a silk sleep shirt. Make sure you're completely comfortable in whatever you're wearing, and that noone is going to disturb you. The last thing you'll need is to be worrying that someone is going to walk in on you or bang on the door.

First, close your eyes and touch your body. Nowhere private, just simple places like your arms, thighs, stomach, hips, and neck. Run the length of your fingers over those parts of yourself, lightly and slowly. Let yourself feel everything fully before moving on to the next place. Next caress your breasts in the same way, then run your hands up through your hair. Kind of like you are going to put your hair up, but instead you're just lifting it up and messing it around a little. Make sure to let your fingernails scrap across your scalp, this should produce a light tingling sensation. Focus on it. Go back to caressing the other parts of your body, and repeat the cycle until you feel completely comfortable in the process. Make sure it feels good too. If it doesn't, try touching other places in your body. Also try using your nails in some places to lightly scrap across your skin. Or try using something like a feather. Make sure your eyes stay closed though, because the point of this part is to become comfortable with yourself and the motions.

If it feels good, and you feel good about it, try doing it again, except this time with your eyes open, concentrating on the mirror. Do all the things that felt good before, but this time watch yourself doing them. Think he won't want to see that? Think again. Men are very, very visual. As long as you're letting your face show that you're feeling good, and making whatever noises the good feelings cause you to want to make, he will enjoy watching you. Keep doing the motions until you're comfortable seeing yourself. If you can't do it on the first try, don't worry about it, just try again another time. This is not only about being able to dance for your boyfriend, it's also about making you comfortable with your body and your motions.

Once you've got that down, try throwing some motions in there. Nothing big, you don't have to stand on one leg and do a cartwheel, just start off swaying your hips. At first just sway your hips, and do nothing else, until you've gotten used to it. Then try doing little dips with your knees. You know, like you see erotic dancers do on movies. It doesn't have to be big, and if it doesn't feel right, just try moving your legs a little. Small side steps, little steps forward and back, swaying your hips all the time. Kind of like a beginner salsa dancer. Once you have a few motions down, and don't stop trying if you don't get it quickly, start caressing yourself again. Your arms, shoulders, neck, hair, lips, breasts, stomach, hips, thighs, butt, and back up again. Slowly, intimately. If it isn't feeling good, try something, or somewhere, else. If you want, you can try this combination with your eyes closed as well, but that isn't too recommended when moving, because it's easy to fall. So just focus of doing things that feel good. Try some light music if you want, something that puts you in the mood to make your body move. If you're going to be wearing stilletos when you dance for him, you will want to practice with them on, definitely, but don't until you've gotten the basic movements and rhythm down.

After you have the basic movements of your hips, legs, and caressing down, try next to do what feels natural. If you feel like rolling your shoulders or slinking down to the floor, or spreading out your legs, touching the floor with your fingertips, looking up with him, and swaying your hips, thus showing off your chest, hips, and legs, go for it. Whatever feels good, feels right, feels natural to come next, go for it. This is your body, you should be moving it however you feel. If you need ideas, try the internet. Searching for Exotic Dancing, or How to Dance Erotically, or even How to Give a Lap Dance (if you think you might like to incorporate some of that in there as well), you can get some interesting and helpful results.
For example, here is a video on the very basic movements of exotic dancing, that might help with your beginning motions.
http://www.sutree.com/how-to/28019/Dance%2c-Exotic-Dancing--%e2%80%93-How-To-Exotic-dance

At some point you may want to touch yourself more sexually. This is the part most people may have trouble getting comfortable with. Try rubbing the inside of your thighs and caressing the area of your clitoris. If you think he'd enjoy watching you masturbate, go for it, but otherwise just caress yourself and do whatever feels good.

When you're ready, try to plan out as much as possible, but leave a good amount of leeway, because sex is like life; nothing ever really goes as planned. Wear the sexy clothes you got, or you picked out together, and make sure he is up for the show. If he's swamped with stress and in a bad mood, its not a good day to give it a shot, so make sure he's up for it. Set the mood however you think is appropriate for him. You know him, what turns him on? Dimmed lights? Incense? Music? Talking dirty? Bed? Floor? Couch? Get the room ready for the both of you. Have him sit down, be comfortable, and have all his attention on you. If you have to leave the room to put on your sexy clothes, or take off whatever's on top of them, don't hesitate to do it, along with looking yourself in the mirror and reminding yourself that you are sexy and that you'll do just fine. Then close your eyes tight open them up, and step slowly into the room.

Try walking in slowly, "slinking" into his view. If you want, you can take a peek at him, just to see his reaction. Don't take his initial reaction too seriously, unless he looks pissed or upset, more than likely he's just surprised or impressed. Once you're in front of him, try starting with your hip movements. Sway them, circle them, put your whole body into it, just like you practiced. Then start touching yourself like you did in the mirror. Don't hesitate to move around- but not out of his line of sight- turn your body slowly (to show your butt, back, and legs), or get down on the floor- sitting or lying down. If you're afraid to see him, you can close your eyes as long as you continue to show pleasure on your face and in your sounds. But it's best to do your best to keep eye contact with him whenever you can. You may want to get closer to him, where you can simply dance closer, or straddle his legs while he's sitting and start caressing him the way you were caressing yourself, focusing on the head, chest, arms, and back, and occasionally using nails softly. If you want to include kisses, focus those on his ears(if he, like most men, enjoys his earlobes being kissed, licked, or nibbled), his shoulders, neck, and chest. From there on its all you and what you feel comes next.
If he pounces on you halfway through, don't feel bad, feel great- he just couldn't keep his hands off of you. If you try and he doesn't really get into it, don't feel like you failed. Try again another time, or ask him what he thinks or wants. Because remember-and this is very important- while I can give you as many suggestions as possible, the only way things will work out in the end is if you talk to each other. I can give you ideas, but only he knows what he really likes. So take my ideas and try to fit them to you, him, and your relationship.

Remember, don't be afraid. Let yourself feel pretty, feel good, feel sexy, feel wonderful. If your just pretending, its more likely that it'll be harder for him to get into it. Don't be shy. If you have to, pretend you're someone else. For some people, that helps them slip into another role, releasing them of that responsibility of being perfect.
And always, always, always, don't do things that you don't like. If you're not enjoying it, and it's making you feel worse, instead of better, stop, try again, do something else, talk about it- whatever you have to do.

This should be enjoyable for both of you, don't hesitate to focus on making it that way.

I hope I've been of some help and something I've said will help you out.
Good luck and have fun,

~Sin Secret